Me: Hey
Brandon: Ola! I might take my shot and see if you'd like to worship eachothers bootys sometime?
Me: Hahahahaha sounds promising
Brandon: Hahah sorry, I've got my horny cap on atm
Me: All the girls must fall for that one haha
Brandon: Haha phew. What are you doing later tonight?
Me: Worshiping booty apparently? You?
Brandon: Going to a mates then worshiping some booty I would've thought
Me: Is there such a thing as too much booty for worshiping?
Brandon: I don't think so miss. The more the better imo
Me: And what does worshiping look like?
Brandon: Well grabbing of the booty to start with and everything else should fall into place I would've thought. Thoughts?
Me: Sounds like a great worship session as long as the hands can handle a generous volume of booty
Brandon: I think I'll be able to handle it miss. Shall I come past after I see my mate or wanna come to mine? I'm easy either way
Me: I'm happy to do a drive by
Brandon: I'm in OP. Won't be home til about 10.30-11. That ok? Or too late?
Me: That's perfect
Brandon: Lovely. I'll msg you when I'm heading home
Me: Ok cool
Brandon: Don't wear any panties haha
Me: Haha fine, and don't be greedy. It's the season of giving. Any other ground rules for worhsiping?
Brandon: I'll be generous don't you worry miss. Nothing besides that really. Anything you'd like to add?
Me: No rough stuff. Is that fair?
Brandon: Yeah bloody oath haha that's completely fair
Me: Deal haha
Brandon: Gonna have to vend you over though considering the generous sized booth - for optimal booty worshiping
Me: As expected to achieve the highest level of comfort for worshiping
Brandon: Very good. And we'll have to go a couple of rounds I reckon if you're up for it
Me: After the week I've had, I need all the rounds I can get
Brandon: Fantastic attitude
Me: Fantastic attitude for a fantastic proposal. Will there be any music?
Brandon: Most likely just the sound of the booty being worshiped but we can have some background music. Does she get loud? Cause you're more than welcome to
Me: Yes, music might help
Brandon: Music it is then
This is how I met Brandon. He's a funny guy and definitely not my usual type. He's cute but the humour definitely got me interested more than anything. I arrive at Brandon's apartment and he meets me on the road. How lovely of him. We chat for a bit inside his place and take a few shots. He's talking about work and how hectic the week has been. He seems very lovely. We head for his bedroom. He's already undressing and dimming the lights. I'm standing there in the corner like an awkward tree feeling shy. He approaches me and starts kissing me and undressing me. We continue making out for about 5 minutes. He's ready to go for it, I can feel him and he's pretty hard. We start doing it and then his member just logged off. We stop and he said he wasn't sure what was going on. I also had no clue what was happening because I hadn't experienced this before. He was trying to bring him back to life but he was pretty KO'd. I tried to ignore it and carried on making out while he's smashing his member to save him in this very moment. I asked him if he needs some help and he said no and literally, runs off to his bathroom. I'm now laying on his bed wondering WTF just happened. I yelled out if he's ok and replies "yes, everything is ok I just don't know what's going on. I've had a long day at work and my body is tired'. In my head I'm thinking of ok that's fine that's normal. I'm tired too from work. He's now in there for 15 mins and I'm on google asking "how to make him hard fast". I was inundated with results and videos. I had no time to watch anything let alone read how to help Brandon. I tried to quickly read anything and everything before he returns. I can hear him walking back down the hallway, I then told him to just let me help him. He allows it. I spent the next 30 mins, YES that long, to get the juices flowing and him logged back on. Literally putting in the overtime for Mr said we was gonna go round for round. Yea this was more round for round for my mouth that surprisingly hadn't jaw locked. He's enjoying every moment meanwhile I'm dried the hell up and ready for more shots to get me back in the mood. Alright, we have solid lift off and he's not ready to put on a show. And it was a decent show. He got there in the end, of course I didn't. But that's the norm for women right? Left unsatisfied and just out here doing more than their bare minimum.
After that rather floppy first instance, we tried a few more times. And not once did I reach the top of the mountain. But he did, every single time. But I also had to put in some extra work to keep him pointing to the sky. The last performance he put on was just not it. This time I'm wearing lingerie. He's full into it and I'm feeling sexy. It's been months since I've seen Brandon, assuming during this time he's improved or found strategies on how to, you know, just meet me halfway. Not even 10 minutes into it and we're back to the first instance where his member logged off. Because he's not more comfortable with me, he's up the ante with the backstory on why this has happened. I must have my salvation army uniform on because I'm really not here on a Friday night wanting to be blown away and instead I'm now acting like I believe every word of his backstory about how hard work was today laying down so many bricks. Then we tried again, he had a steady rhythm. I told him do not change what you're doing just maintain this exact pace. He got too cocky and tried to broke back mountain me except he's now screaming because he's pulled a leg cramp. I can't even pretend to show sympathy because I am annoyed that I can't catch a damn break every time I come to this apartment! Why me? Why! Wtf did I do to deserve the team logging off and just not doing the bare minimum for me? I aint asking for too much, surely! He's now run off to the kitchen and returns with a pack of frozen veges. I was like oh boy here we go with the theatrics. He's now on the floor squealing in pain and agony. I know he's not in THAT much pain but I go along with it for the sake of honouring this oscar nominated performance. It's only right I don't snub him of this award. I can clearly see that he finished before he expected and this was his cover up story. I wish he just saved himself and me the secondhand embarrassment and was honest! After 15 mins of this charade, I had zero energy to continue with the act and made an excuse that I needed to urgently leave. He seemed somewhat relieved. I'm sure the frozen veges was giving him more pain than his fake pain.
As I walked away from Brandon's house, I change his contact name in my phone and add a suitable emoji next to his name because I'm sure he will not be one of the many fallen soldiers that never lived up to the hype. P*ssy and I return home frowning. Good night.
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